Kitchenware · Misadventures

The Saga of the Wine-Holder-Thingy

A couple of months ago, I went over to a friend’s house for dinner.  It was the first time I’d actually spent any time at her place, so I got the nickel tour: bedroom, living room, bathroom, dining room, kitchen.  She’s a big baker (unlike me.  Please see my post from a few days ago…) so I admired her new, fancy KitchenAid standing mixer and agreed that it was the best color.  (I have learned that KitchenAid owners are sort of like new parents–every mixer is the prettiest and the best.)  I also admired her wine rack.  The rack was actually a series of wine-bottle-sized, wrought iron corkscrews that are suspended from the ceiling.  I told her several times what a cool piece it was, and how great it was in the space and forgot about it.

Well, I forgot about it until I saw my friend again this weekend and she gave me an early birthday present, which was (you guessed it) an identical suspended-corkscrew wine holder-thing.

And I was horrified.

When I was recovering from the shock of what was actually in the box with a big, toothy “thank you” (thank goodness I am a better actress than I am a baker…) my friend said, “I was going to get you this other thing [read: something I actually, really wanted], but then you said how much you liked my wine bottle holder so I thought I’d get you that instead.”

Me and my big mouth.  I did admire the wine rack–in her space.  The thing fits in with my friend’s style and is an interesting conversation piece.  It is cool.  I do love it in her kitchen. I just didn’t ever expect it to end up in mine.

I feel a deeply personal attachment to my culinary space–the way many women feel attached to their wardrobes.  You know, that attachment that prompts comments like, “I love that top, but it just really doesn’t fit with the style I’m going for,” or “I know everyone always says I look great in this dress, but I just don’t feel comfortable in it.”

You have to understand.  My kitchen is a series of rummage sale finds and Goodwill treasures that have combined into a vintage bacchanalia that is essentially an homage to the days when homemade cookies were the norm and kids had to talk on the phone in front of their parents because the phone was still attached to an outlet in the kitchen wall.  I mean, I paid actual, real money for a painted plaster wall-hanging of a bunch of bananas and cherries.  On purpose.  I also (though I love wine) seldom have more than one bottle of it in my house at any given time.

But now, I’ve got this giant, super modern-y, suspended, corkscrew, wine-bottle holder-thingy.  And I have to figure out what to do with it, because my friend was so excited to give it to me and so I know the next time she comes over to my house ,she’s going to expect to see it.  I can’t tell her the truth (i.e. “I don’t want to put it up because it doesn’t match anything and I’m just going to keep bashing my head on it and then getting hit on the back since I’ve only got that one bottle of Cab and the thing swings…”) I’ve bought myself a little time, because I’m moving soon, so I’ll claim I “don’t want to hang it up just to take it down again,” but in the interim, I need to come up with a way to use it that won’t annoy me or offend her.

Right now, I’m thinking maybe an herb drying rack?  Possibly storage for my extra dish towels?  (If any of you, dear readers, have some genius, out-of-the-box ideas, I’m all ears…)

Meanwhile, I’ve learned my lesson.  I cannot overemphasize the importance of word choice when praising other people’s belongings.  And let’s just say I’m planning on phrasing my compliments like this from now on:

“This is so different from my style, but I love this Fill-In-The-Blank-Here in this space!”

9 thoughts on “The Saga of the Wine-Holder-Thingy

  1. You ending paragraph really ties your whole slice together. Plus, it is funny. I also like these lines, “I have learned that KitchenAid owners are sort of like new parents–every mixer is the prettiest and the best.” How insightful and true!

  2. What a great slice. I love the paying homage line – PERFECT!! I remember begging for a really long phone cord so I could sit in a closet to talk on the phone. What to do with your wine holder? Would it be a shame if it were lost in the move? Fell off the back of a truck? Bent into scrap metal? Admired so much by your mom, best friend, aunt, out of state relative that you just felt really wanted it?

  3. Love it! I just hope your friend doesn’t read your blog… 🙂 I think you could claim that the movers stole it or it got lost in the move. Good luck! You made me laugh today!

  4. Is she reading your blog? The well-intentioned gift….She only has to see it once…and then you can pass it on…or check in see if she still has hers! I love your rummaged kitchen! Full of stories!

  5. Thanks for the laugh tonight! All I could picture during this slice, was the look on your face as you opened your gift. 🙂 Look at it this way, if you don’t find any other use for your wine thingy, at least you got at awesome slice out of it! And good luck figuring out what to do!

  6. Oh I totally get this. I love what you are doing with your kitchen and the paying homage to the corded phone.
    I had a friend who was always gifting me with journals, which I believe are very personal. I finally had to have a heart to heart and told her I had enough.

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